My thoughts on cats..

Ever notice

how some cats can be such asses sometimes:

They do what they want, when they want and don't give a shit what people think.

They have not so subtle ways of telling you that the food you feed them is crap...

Even with all that dickish behaviour we love them all the same. Why is that? I mean cats don't even pretend to care. So why do we still love them to the point of obsession?

Here is my very scientific theory as to why that is:

We are all being controlled by cat obsessed parasites, obviously. I'm not crazy I promise, just hear me out:

This is Toxoplasma Gondii   

Parasitic cat lover

This is felis catus

Cat: Human user and abuser

Well Toxoplasma just LOVES him some pussy cat, he loves the kitties so much he wants to live inside of one, it is his ultimate goal in life to live in a god damn cat! How many of you can say you love your cat that much?..Well it's probably quite a few. Forget I asked.

                                           

Now we all know that there is really only one way to get inside a cat and that's to be eaten, and Toxo is more than willing...

There is one teeny tiny microscopic problem with this...

Toxoplasma is invisible to the naked eye. He's there, you just can't see him (not like that god fella). So how does he get eaten!? I hear you cry. Well, he waits... 

 And he waits...

until finally he gets eaten!

by a mouse.

Mus Musculus

Wild Mickey Mouse

Yes, but you see, this will work in Toxoplasmas favor, cats eat mice believe it or not. So Toxo is just one step closer to his ultimate life goal YAY! But Toxo is done waiting though, he waited long enough to get this far so he decides to take control...literally 

Once Toxo has control he will manipulate the mouse to seek out cats...so instead of running away from the scent of a cat...he will run towards it like a mutha fuckin' boss.

Then he gets eaten YAY...happy days! Well, for Toxoplasma not the mouse, for obvious reasons. RIP :(

I feel as though, that I must repeat the fact that HE MANIPULATES THE MOUSE TO SEEK OUT CATS...OH. MY. ACTUAL. He is basically a zombie virus, except not because he's a parasite and he seeks out cats instead of brains. Lets not fret over the little things.

But you know what else accidentally eats Toxoplasma...sheep

Ovis Aries

Grass eater

And who can accidentally eat undercooked sheep meat?...humans.

Homo sapien

Crazy cat lady

So there we have it, all you humans who are obsessed with your jerk cats and want to secretly live inside them (don't deny it, I have science so I know things) You have all obviously been infected by a cat loving, zombie making parasite. Obviously.